“We are all tattooed in the crib with the beliefs of our tribe.” Oliver Wendell Holmes
We all know that we have free will, the will to choose, the ability to think for ourselves and choose our thoughts. Yet we also know that despite having freedom of thought, we seem to think the same old thoughts over and over. And thus, we get the same old results, over and over.
What’s the deal???!!! Have you ever had a great new idea about something, declared that you were going to change your strategy and start doing this great new thing, only to find yourself reverting back to your old way of doing things and later realizing you were back to your old way of thinking? Yeah, it’s happened to all of us at one time or another.
That’s because our old way of thinking is bound to a neural pathway that’s akin to the groove in a record. And when the needle drops onto the vinyl, it falls into that groove and plays the song…the same way…every time. In fact, our neural pathways are so ingrained and we default to them so often that we can actually believe a lie!
For example, I grew up believing that men were non-committal and not trustworthy. They didn’t do what they said they would do, and they certainly didn’t stick around. In fact, I don’t recall seeing any examples of committed relationships between men and women as I was growing up. As an adult, I can look back and see that there were indeed many committed couples among my friends’ and classmates’ parents, but because I wasn’t looking for them, I didn’t see them. What I was looking for (subconsciously, of course) was evidence of my belief that men were the bad guys. Not surprisingly, that’s what I found. And because I got what I was focusing on, it reinforced my conditioned belief that men were not to be trusted.
I believed that lie for a long time. I believed it, in fact, until my third divorce (yes, you read that correctly), when I finally woke up and started to question my beliefs about relationships. I realized that the common denominator in all my divorces was ME! I also realized that if anything was going to change in my life, it had to start with me. I got comfortable with the idea that perhaps I had believed a lie. I started to work on the one thing I could control…ME.
I dug deep to figure out how I had learned this misinformation about men. And, I started to uncover the messages I received by people who were doing the best they could with the awareness they had, but that had been flat out wrong. As I began to understand this, I gained a new level of awareness for myself. I did the work of forgiving myself and those who taught me this untruth. As I learned to forgive, I learned to accept. And as I learned to accept, I learned to love at a deeper level, to grow in compassion, and I vowed to break the cycle.
See, my enculturation was not my fault. Yet it was my responsibility to do something different. To change my way of thinking and behaving. To decide what no longer serves me. And to create a life based on beliefs that do serve me and serve others. It wasn’t my fault, but it was my Response-Ability. And in my ability to respond lies my freedom.
This is why we can’t just get a new idea and make a change. We need a coach to walk with us and help us scratch that old record and lay down a new track. We need to rewire our neuronal patterns to more empowering beliefs. I recently heard someone say that right now we’re in the birth canal of a new future. Many believe this future is uncertain. I believe that it’s only going to be uncertain if we don’t create it. If you want to create YOUR new future, schedule a complimentary discovery call with me and let’s see if I’m the one that can help you do it!